Have you ever stopped to consider who is the authority and sets the guidelines for behavior? Who sets forth the decorum? Are there some unwritten rules that we are all supposed to abide by? And how should we act?
All these types of questions recently came to my attention. You see, my stepfather passed away a few weeks back, following his departure, there seemed to be a bit of discord with one of my siblings. Another sibling asked that I reach out to see if I could be helpful. Apparently, I have the ability to frame situations from my own unique perspective.
So I took the challenge and gave my sibling a call. I cannot tell you if I helped or not for that you would have to hear from her, but I did offer my viewpoint.
After the call, Lindalee and I had a discussion about some of what was said. I gave some thought to the questions that initiated this piece. What follows is a bit of what I discovered.
Strangers are the bomb. When you are dealing with someone you have no emotional attachment to, communication is so much easier. It all seems so black and white. However, when you introduce an emotional component to the equation, everything gets turned all topsy turvy. All the sudden, phrases like, “they should know better” are murmured. Why is it that we hold those close to us to such a ridiculous standard? Have you seen this in your family?
Then there is the phrase, “you should understand what I am going through” or “you should know how I feel.” Just because we are derived from a similar strain of DNA or are in a relationship does not mean we have learned to read each other’s minds.
I recently had a conversation with someone about this exact subject. They were lamenting on how their partner did not understand them. How this loved one should be able to understand them and what they need, after all, they had been together for more than ten years. So I asked, can you read the mind of your partner. I posed the same questions in return. To my surprise, after the silence, I received an honest answer. The answer was no. If we could just learn to use our words, we could alleviate all sorts of conflict. Please do not fall into the trap of assumption; it leads only to misunderstanding.
Be kind to yourself, but realize that others have the right to form their individual opinions. These opinions are influenced by many factors. Have you ever read a book or watched a movie for a second time and find a passage or see a scene that you did not recognize or remember. There are many filters that we have in our lives that shape what we see and interpret. Once we can consciously understand this and implement it into our psyche, it makes life considerably more comfortable. This conscious acceptance and admittance open the doorway to a fuller understanding of the fluidity in which we live. In short, it gives us the opportunity to change our mindset if need be.
I want to tell you that I do not fall into any of the traps that I listed above, but I cannot honestly share that as a truth for me. What I can tell you is that I am aware of these traps, and I do not succumb to them as much as I once did. Life is meant to be a learning experience, and I continue to learn from day to day. I am blessed to have an understanding partner for life that reminds me gently at times that I need to open up or reconsider a stance I have taken. Sometimes it is not so gentle, but that is OK as well. Be kind to yourself, but also beware we are governed at times by internal or external influences that only we know about. Challenge yourself to see life from various views, and it will only enrich your time here.
