The mind is a strange thing. Made of how we think, what we think, conceptualization and deliberation. It seems to be in constant motion. A published study from the National Science Foundation found the average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day.
I recently found myself contemplating this deliberation aspect of my mind. To be more precise I found instances where I was setting conditions on my happiness, my peace of mind, and my contentment. I hesitate to label this a habit, although if I am honest with myself, it has all the markings of a habit.
The bizarre aspect is that I knew I was doing this on some conscious level. I was also aware that it was not exactly a healthy and productive practice. Nevertheless, I found myself participating in this warped sense of rationalization.
If I {blank}, then I will {blank} was the jest of my own conundrum.
To provide a bit of a back story and further shed light it started a few years back. I was a business owner in a niche industry that was rapidly evolving. I failed to make some adjustments, mostly out of fear (that’s another story), revenues started declining as did my income. This I believed was the origin of my “IF, THEN” cycle. IF I could get the land we purchased paid off, THEN I would free up more disposable income. I did, it didn’t. IF, I could get my truck paid off, THEN I would have a better handle. I did, it didn’t. IF, I could get our house paid off, THEN that would turn things around. I did, it didn’t. As I check off my financial obligations my income continued to fall. What the heck?!
I was cognizant of the pattern, yet it felt completely out of my control.
Overtime it dawned upon me what I was doing. It was not a ‘burning bush’ moment, it was more of a painstakingly slow osmosis. I was postponing my happiness, my peace of mind and my contentment until I achieved future goals. I was making my life conditional, forsaking my present day.
How often do we as individuals partake in such irrationality and insanity?
A published Cornell University study found that, firstly 85% of what we worry about never happens. Secondly with the 15% of the worries that did happen, 79% of the subjects discovered that either they could handle the difficulty better than expected, or that the difficulty taught them a lesson worth learning.
The conclusion was that 97% of our worries are baseless and result from an unfounded pessimistic perception.
The “If, Then” conundrum is best described as conditional psychology. When one frames circumstances, events, or actions with defining parameters one is attempting to control that which is uncontrollable. Stress and frustration ensue and often is accompanied with personal critique. In layman’s terms we beat ourselves up.
How does one escape this phenomenon? I am not sure if I have completely escaped it, but I have found that if I concrete my efforts to life in the moment it alleviates past regret and future unknowns. It takes a practice of consistently checking in with yourself. It generally starts with a couple questions. “Is the thought you are experiencing true?” or “what do you have control of at this moment?” Often, I find the thought is not true. The control that I have is only in the way I react to the situation, event or circumstance.
We spend so much time in thought of future and past events we neglect what is happening around us. It is said so often that it has become rather cliché, all we have is today. Yet, the truth is all we have is this moment, this present moment. Is your mind cluttered with potentialities and possible pitfalls of the future?
It takes time to break thought habits and patterns, but if you persist you can control the way you react to the world around you. Meditation has helped me with that (again another story for another time).
As I mentioned I am not sure I am completely over my “If, Then” conundrum but I do have a new awareness. I continue to learn more about myself as I continue this journey called life. Hopefully, keeping more focus on the journey and not the destination.
